Baby I want just you.
How can't you see that?
Why is that so hard?
I want you to be mine,that is my only wish for Christmas!

1st but not last

Everything started to change when he came back home.After two years of missing him he came back.He said that he still likes me and I just smiled.He tried to make me want him again but he didn't knew that he is still in my heart.He talked to me,smiled and act like he want me back but he already had a girlfriend.He said that he will leave her if I want to be his again.I didn't said anything 'cause i couldn't destroy someones happiness,that wasn't me!I were going to go home and he said that he'll go with me,so he walked me home.I was happy,so happy,but the next days it started... He left his girlfriend over facebook and went with us on pool.We were having so much fun and one moment everybody left out of pool and only we staid.We talked a lot and then he kissed me.It was perfect,my first kiss.He asked me to be his girlfriend I didn't think I just said yes and he was my first boyfriend.I know that this doesn't sound good 'cause he just broke up with his ex and few hours later he has a new gf. Okay,so it was perfect.We were together every day kissing,hanging around and stuff.. After one week he started to hugging other girls in front of me,he said it is just friend hug but I didn't saw it that way,actually nobody did.Everyone asked me if it is okay with me and I said yeah it's fine,but it wasn't and they saw it so the started to complaining.He got pissed of so he tried to avoid them and find some new company.We tried to talk him into coming back but he didn't wanted to listen.Later that day he kissed another girl in front of all of us.I started to cry,everybody said him that he is stupid and yell at him,he said that it's not true and that he wouldn't touch her even with a stick.Nobody trusted him 'cause everybody saw what happened.He didn't even said I'm sorry to me he just run away for that girl.I went home crying.Nobody in my family notice the tears 'cause i hide my face somehow.I couldn't sleep that night i cried like an idiot.Next day a also spend crying,people tried to come in contact with me but i didn't want to talk even with my mom or sisters.After few days i went out.I saw him there whit that girl i act like it's okay with me and I went somewhere with my friends and forgot about him,but when I came home i started to cry again I just couldn't take it anymore and I went to the bathroom and took a razor blade and cut myself.It hurt but not as much as when someone brakes your heart.Next days it was the same I went out but at nigh I cried. 2 moths later he wanted to talk to me,so we talked.He said that he's sorry and stuff and I believe it.Next day he asked me again to be his and I said yes,again.I just couldn't say anything else 'cause I was in love with him for 7 years.So we were together,again.And everything repeat.He cheat on me with another girl.And this time I didn't cry,I was strong.I just move on with my life and promise myself that I would never ever again be his! after a while one boy fell in love with me and i fell in love with him and everything was perfect,but after 1 month problems started,a big ones so we broke up,actually I left him.I was hurt and I found another guy so is he.We were happy but then I notice that he is just exploited me so we broke up.I was single and happy finally. My 1st boyfriend,who cheated me twice became my best friend.I know it sounds crazy but we are really good friends,he has his girlfriend for 2 or 3 months now and he's happy.He changed and I changed.All those time I had a lot of fights with my friends and parents.Actually just mum 'cause dad didn't came back from Afghanistan jet,But when he came back after 6 months everything came back he and mom started to fight sometimes he got drunk an fight really really loud and it was soo scary I called grandma so she came in 1am just to solve the problem she came and they talked all night and me,my sisters and brother could go back to sleep.Nobody actually knows everything about my life even my bff... Maybe you think this is not bad life actually but believe me it is,I leave out some parts 'cause they are just not for public,they are so scary and sad and disgusting so I don't want to talk about that. Now is the 23.12.2012. about 1 and a half month earlier i fell in love with some guy that is,everybody say that,in love with me but we aren't together we are just friends for almost 2 months even all of that 2 months I want to be his forever.He is a sweet and kind guy,everybody likes him.Even one teacher knows about us and she is sad that we aren't together.On the New Year's Eve we are at the same place,at my friends house and everybody wants to connect us.So they are tamping him into that he asks me to be his on New year.I hope the best,I'm just enough of problems! My really good friend died about 15 days ago of stroke.It was hard I cried like a rain year I couldn't eat,I couldn't sleep I barely went to school.A lot of people died this month,okay not a lot but for me 3 people that I know in one month it's just a lot! So this is what happened from June to December in this year.It's not everything,the rest is gonna be in some other post i promise.Okay bye now! Stay strong for the people you love! sincerely Me:)